The old home guard (Sherman / Sherman)

Call out the navy, call out the ranks
call out the air force, call out the tanks
from the cliffs of Dover call up the gulls
and don't forget the loyal territorials

But who's digging in here, who will defend
every inch of England, no matter what they send
who's standing firm in our own front yard
the soldiers of the old home guard, that's who ?
the soldiers of the old home guard

For we wrote the story of the old brigade
We know the glory of yesterday's parades
who's standing firm in our own front yard
the soldiers of the old home guard, that's who ?
the soldiers of the old home guard

The age of not believing (Sherman / Sherman)

When you rush around in hopeless circles
searching everywhere for something true
you're at the age of not believing
when all the make believe is through

When you set aside your childhood heroes
and you're dreams are lost upon a shelf
you're at the age of not believing
and worst of all, you doubt yourself

You're a castaway where no one hears you
on a barren isle in a lonely sea
where did all the happy endings go ?
where can all the good times be ?

You must face the age of not believing
doubting everything you ever knew
until at last you start believing
there's something wonderful in you

With a flair (Sherman / Sherman)

I'm a fraud, a hoke
a charlatan, a joke
but they love me everywhere
and it really doesn't matter
what I say, what I say
as long as I say it with a flair

First I rattle off a ready stock
of gibberish and poppycock
and fix you with my best hypnotic stare

With my moans and groans
and soporific tones
they have cheered me everyone
for it really doesn't matter
what I say, what I say
I sell it when I tell it
with a "seemus alabeem"

The magicians' nursery rhyme
abra cadabra
you succumb to it everytime
wave a stick and each trick
will mystify and disarm
in fact, to coin a fitting phrase
it works like a charm

So it really doesn't matter
What I brew, what I brew
as long as I brew it with a flair

Although I've never cast a magic spell
I make the motions very well
my showmanship is far beyond compare
I'm a rogue, a rake
a mountebank of fake
but I do whatever I dare

For it really doesn't matter
what I do, what I do
you buy my charms and poxes
cause they come in fancy boxes
to improve your ugly daughter
I've a vial of colored water
and my magic incantations
can be framed as decorations

Though there's really nothing to it
and, of course, you all see through it
you love me cause I do it with a flair

Eglantine / Don't let me down / Eglantine (Reprise) (Sherman / Sherman)

Let us strike a bargain
you possess a gift
but I can speak the jargin
that will give your gift the needed lift

You possess the know-how
and I command the show how
oh, how successful you could be - with me

Eglantine, Eglantine
Oh, how you'll shine
your lot and my lot, have got to combine
Eglantine, Eglantine
hark to the stars
destiny calls us
the future is ours

As the shine sells the boot
and the blossoms the fruit
all you need to succeed in your plan
is the proper ally
upon whom to rely
and I’m your man

For I have an acumen
that's nigh superhuman
I sell things that nobody can
so I humbly suggest
you accept my behest
I’m your man

Eglantine, Eglantine
oh, how you'll shine
your lot and my lot have got to combine
Eglantine, Eglantine
hark to the stars
destiny calls us
the future is ours

With my expert pantomiming
the proper taste and timing
I’ll introduce you in the manner grand
I’ll whet their appetite for you
I’ll set the scene so right for you
we’ll have the beggars eating out of your hand

As the words sell the tune
and the moon beams the moon
all you need to succeed in your plan
is a champion reared
with a flourish and a flair
and I’m your man

I have always had a bit of a knack for witchcraft
common spells and simple charms came naturally
so when the war began, I conjured up a plan
to do my bit in the national emergency

I enrolled in your Correspondence College of Witchcraft
and I slaved at every lesson as it came
but the spell I counted on
is the lesson that is gone
It’s disappeared and you’re the one to blame

Your suggestions are rash
and your manner is brash
and I’ve no time to waste
Mister Browne, if I am to proceed
it’s that book that I need
don’t let me down

But if you’ll see me through
I’ll discuss it with you
though I’ve no taste for playing the clown
If I meet with success
I might acquiesce

I won’t let you down
Eglantine, Eglantine
oh, how you'll shine
your lot and my lot have got to combine
Eglantine, Eglantine
hark to the stars
destiny calls us
the future ....

Portobello Road (Sherman / Sherman)

Portobello Road, Portobello Road
Streets where the riches of ages are stowed
anything and everything a chap can unload
is sold off the barrow in the Portobello Road
you'll find what you want in the Portobello Road

Rare alabaster, Genuine plaster
a filigreed samovar owned by the czars
a pen used by Shelley, a new Botticelli
the snippers that clipped old King Edward's cigars

Waterford crystal, Napoleon's pistols
society heirlooms with genuine gums
Rembrandts, El Grecos, Toulouse "Lautrecos"
painted last week on the banks of the Thames

Portobello Road, Portobello Road
street where the riches of ages are stowed
anything and everything a chap can unload
is sold off the barrow in Portobello
you'll meet all your chums in the Portobello Road

There's pure inspiration in every creation
no cheap imitation, not here in me store
with garments as such as worn by a duchess
just once at some royal occasion of you

In Portobello Road, Portobello Road
the fancies and fineries of ages are showed
a lady will always feel dressed à la mode
in frillies she finds in the Portobello Road

"Burkes' Peerages", the "Bride Book", the "Fishmongers Guidebook"
a Victorian novel "The Unwanted Son"
the "History of Potting", the "Yearbook of Yachting"
the leather bound "Life of Attila the Hun"

Portobello Road, Portobello Road
streets where the riches of ages are stowed
artifacts to glory a regal abode
are hidden in the flotsam in Portobello Road

Tokens and treasures, yesterday's pleasures
cheap imitations of heirlooms of old
dented and tarnished, scared and unvarnished
in old Portobello they're bought and they're sold

You can eat like a king in the Portobello Road

Portobello Road, Portobello Road
all kinds of things are happening in Portobello Road
you fell like a ballerina when you're hopping like a toad
when you kick your heels up down in Portobello Road

(Reprise)
Portobello Road, Portobello Road
Street where the riches of ages are stowed
anything and everything a chap can unload

The beautiful briny sea (Sherman / Sherman)

Bobbing along, bobbing along
on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea
what a chance to get a better peep
at the plants and creatures of the deep
we glide far below the rolling tide
serene through the bubbly blue and green

It's lovely bobbing along, bobbing along
on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea
what is the octopus, the flounder and the cod
think we're rather odd ? - It's fun to promenade
bobbing along, singing a song
on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea

It's lovely, bobbing along, bobbing along
on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea
what a chance to get a better peep
at the plants and creatures of the deep
it's grand when you're dancing on the sand
each glance bubbles over with romance

It's lovely, bobbing along, bobbing along
though the water where we get along swimmingly
far from the frenzy of the frantic world above
two beneath the blue could even fall in love
bobbing along, singing a song
on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea
bobbing along, singing a song
on the bottom of the beautiful briny
shimmery, shiny
beautiful briny sea

Substituiary locomotion (Sherman / Sherman)

Treguna Mekoides Trecorum Satis Di
Treguna Mekoides Trecorum Satis Di ... (cont. during song)
(spoken in English : Treguna Mekoides Tracorum Satis Dee)

Substitutiary locomotion
Mystic power that’s far beyond the wildest notion
It’s so weird, so feared, yet wonderful to see
substitutiary locomotion, come to me

I don’t want locomotiary substitution
or remote Intransecory Convolution
only one precise solution is the key
substitutiary locomotion they must be

Substitutiary Locomotion
lovely Substitutiary Locomotion
you’ve made substitutiary history
with Treguna, Mekoides and a little help from me
with Treguna Mekoites and Trecorum Satis Di

Nobody's problems for me (Sherman / Sherman)

No one to miss, if he’s gone too long
no one to comfort, if things go wrong
that’s how I want it to be
nobody’s problems for me

No one who needs me to ease his pain
no troubles and strife
no one to call me his ball and chain

Nobody's problems for me
and that's how I choose it to be
in this life that I lead
no tempers to humor, no hungers to feed

No one to warm, when the winter’s cold
no one to pamper, no hand to hold
and that’s how it always will be
no, nobody’s problems for me

A step in the right direction (Sherman / Sherman)

After all, it’s a step in the right direction
it’s a step in the right direction after all

When the baby spider wants to trap a fly
often time, the silken thread will come awry
though a tangled web is all that he can claim
it’s a step in the right direction all the same

All the same, it’s a step in the right direction
it’s a step in the right direct all the same
all the same, it’s a step in the right direction
it’s a step in the right direction all the same

When the little sparrow wants to leave the nest
first he has to put his feathers to the test
tumbling from a treetop can’t be called success
but it’s a step in the right direction none the less

None the less, it’s a step in the right direction
it’s a step in the right direction none the less
none the less, it’s a step in the right direction
it’s a step in the right direction none the less

Watch the tiny totters inching up a hill
it may seem to you he’s merely standing still
though the steps he takes are infinitely small
they’re a step in the right direction after all

After all, it’s a step in the right direction
it’s a step in the right direction after all
after all, it’s a step in the right direction
it’s a step in the right direction after all